Weddings and croquettes

I have always thought that marriages are like croquettes: more or less everyone makes them the same, but in every house they have a different taste. There is a more or less common base, and then everyone adds a touch that makes them different.

Another thing that makes them similar is that everyone has something to say about them. For example, it is very funny that at church weddings, priests, who have never been married, insist on the need to be united in adversity. I am convinced that if priests were to marry, they would not insist so much on this aspect, or at least they would add another one that is also very dangerous: my experience is that what is really difficult is not the hard moments, but still having enthusiasm for the same person that over the years you find first thing in the morning, with a sleepy face and before the shower. That is why I think marriage vows should talk, in addition to adversity and sickness and health, which I am not saying they shouldn't talk about, about the attitude towards boredom: I know more couples broken by the deadly tedium of day-to-day life than by great adversities.

This article occurred to me when I saw that it would be published on the day of my wedding anniversary, and I thought that there are no magical recipes for this journey. Each couple is a world and happiness ends up being a kaleidoscope of small pieces that fit together with more or less fortune, and where the art of the couple counts above all, but also variables that we cannot absolutely control, such as luck, health, the economy and others.

Taking this into account, I dare to propose a small recipe for marriage:

– Place on the base of friendship, which we will have let ferment until reaching falling in love, a good handful of enthusiasm and four very good ounces of passion.

– Let us not forget to soften it with tenderness, complicity, creativity and moments of unbridled and diverse sex.

– Future projects, everything we want to happen, together with the whole path that has brought us to where we are now, must be mixed energetically and with a lot of creativity, this will give consistency to the result and make the recipe fluffier.

– There are people who find that commitment can make the recipe go stale, it is a delicate ingredient, certainly, and I would say that it only works when it is constantly reviewed while the recipe is cooking. And the fact is that on all long paths you have to go and check the route: often the things to which we gave importance when we were young are now relative, and vice versa.

– It is good to let it simmer for a while. These meals that cook slowly over time are very tasty, more than those that are made in a flash, which scorch the surface but leave the inside raw.

Starting from this base recipe, every couple adds more or fewer spices: travels, Saturday afternoons, children, jokes that only they understand, memories, some shared sadness, involvement in each other's projects, respect for each other's privacy, not taking for granted the happiness of the person beside us.

This recipe, made with love and tenderness, with passion, with a thousand small moments and some big ones, with fierce arguments and explosive reconciliations, must be served by paying close attention to the presentation, that is, the small details: Like the little leaf of parsley, the tender note hanging on the fridge, an 'I love you' on any occasion, a passionate kiss when the other does not expect it.

It is not a recipe to leave to cook by itself: it must be watched constantly. You never know when an ingredient might be missing, and this is important because sometimes we will have to renew the main ones, and it is dangerous to realize it when it is already too late.

Thus, we must watch the stove, and know how to adapt what we have to what we need at each moment.

Hey, this is just a proposal, there are others. I am sure I am forgetting something, but what we must never allow to be lost is love, respect, and the desire to start a new day.

Today it has been twenty-eight years since we got married and I felt like talking to you about it.

And to be grateful for the path taken and to face what is to come.

With excitement.