What would I do if I were to become single now?
With Javiera, we were talking about heteropessimism as a symptom of the volcel phenomenon, voluntary celibacy, which has been talked about so much after Rosalía stated that she practices it, especially on social media.
PalmWe're more heteropessimistic than I thought. In fact, when my friend Javiera brought this up, I didn't even think I had anything to say. Men are the only option I've considered, so far, for romantic and sexual relationships. How could I be pessimistic about that? If I were, shouldn't I have already considered some alternatives? And if I hadn't, did that mean I was hetero-optimistic? The only thing that was clear to me was that we're a privileged hetero-centric group. Well, a privileged hetero-centric group with friends who know how to ask me the right questions.
Javiera and I were talking about heteropessimism as a symptom of the volcel phenomenon, voluntary celibacy, which has been so widely discussed since Rosalía claimed to practice it, especially on social media. In any publication that has addressed this topic, you're bound to find hordes of women stating that they either decided long ago not to have relationships with men or that if they broke up with their partner, they'd cut them off completely. "Of course, darling," I mentally tell them all. Wait a minute: what would I do if I were single now?
First of all, I wouldn't do absolutely anything. I mean, I'd just stay put. I don't think I'd have too much hope of finding anything like what I have now, and I'm not just saying that as a sign of love for my guy. You tend to get used to having a glass of water brought to you in bed before going to sleep without asking, to always getting the biggest slice of pizza or cake, to being relieved of the most boring household chores, or to being listened to for 30 minutes straight. And the thought that all this (the bare minimum we all deserve) I'll only find once in my life might make me a bit of a heteropessimist.
Secondly, the next thing I would do would be to fall into scrolls Endless on dating apps, seeking instant validation from men I'd just met. Some days, I'd measure my worth by the number of matches I'd cultivated. And after many disappointments and tired of not knowing who I was or what I wanted, I'd end up deleting them all. "Now, celibacy," I'd decide, resolutely, until the next night I went out partying. Then, on my way to the club, I'd sing IndapandenBad Gyal's song, which makes me feel like I'm ovulating at any point in my cycle: "My mouth tastes like rose, all my clothes are soaked. / And by the way you look at me, I know you want to make me your woman. / Just for tonight, I don't want to belong to anyone. / And now show me the apartment, show me the apartment. / I feel proud (Have you seen me or what?) / I look in the mirror and think: 'How good it is to be alone'." And, the next day, hungover, I would only feel the echo of the end of the song: "Then the next day, / I think I've wasted my time. / And I say: 'Why do you do things if it's not really what you feel?' / And you're doing great, you don't need a couple of kids. / You're doing great." shorty "Independent."
Being single is now presented to us as a valid option, as something desirable, when we have lost hope, when we have become heteropessimists. As journalist Ana Bernal-Triviño says, the increase in women who choose this path "is the result of an awareness of what is not, what is, what is, not. Considering the idea of being single also presents itself to me as a litmus test of the type of relationship we are in. If, for example, my answer to the question 'what would I do if I were to become single now?' began with 'finally,' I think I should be worried about it. This is another of the answers that I have unintentionally found: that I feel in a healthy, secure, and happy relationship, and that we don't talk enough when this happens. [The text abruptly shifts to a discussion of the central themes of the conversations.] I won't be the one to say "Not all men"But I will quarantine any phrase that begins with 'All men are.' And I will do so for our own safety. Because if everything is violence, then nothing is violence. How are we supposed to protect ourselves from something we don't even know how to detect? Are we supposed to live constantly alert, permanently on guard? In the street, in bed, in love. I refuse their passivity, the idea that it should be so easy for them to sit and wait for us to resign ourselves and take it for granted that all men are the same, to eliminate any incentive that might make them change because it's time for heteropessimism to change sides too."
