I know it's obvious, but we're slow and human, two attributes that, from what my friends tell me, often go hand in hand. And in my case, it's true: the subtleties of this world elude me, at least until they cease to be. So it wasn't until my last flight back to Mallorca that I became aware of a fact that many of you have probably already assimilated: Palma airport is a death trap, a labyrinth clearly designed to acclimatize tourists to the violence and hopelessness that have become Mallorca's signature product.
The idea isn't for users to leave as comfortably and efficiently as one might expect, but rather for them to make an endless and insane tour of insipid franchises, most of which offer indistinguishable products (all the bolillo rolls were clearly made by the same person or group of people, right?) which leads to a terminal where you are simultaneously hit by the sweltering heat (is this even possible?) and an irritating hubbub formed by a wall of lost and confused drivers with names, some on the verge of stretching out to cry in the fetal position on the floor from sheer exhaustion of life, without having managed to see, except through the glass, a ray of minimally Mediterranean sunshine.
I would say that none of the measures contemplated in the covert expansion of Son Sant Joan are aimed at improving the passenger experience: if leaving the island was already hell, now they have managed to make it so again. And I say expansion because that's what it is and we all know it, but Aena will never admit it, not even when (oh, miracle!), after finishing the works, the number of operations and passengers increases... Surprise! Exactly what we had asked for: more tourists! Nyam!
The consolation, of course, is that we will have the largest McDonald's in Europe, news that sparked some triumphant headlines in the quality press. I can't think of a better image to illustrate the position that Mallorca and Palma aspire to have in the world.
It's a given that its inauguration will be part of the program of events for the City's candidacy for European Capital of Culture for 2031, in general harmony with the entrepreneurial spirit of beige chinos, bracelets, and white shirts that the project in general conveys. It's not that I don't believe there is good culture in Palma, it's just that when Jaime Martínez, Javier Bonet or Gomezdelachaqueta When they talk about culture, I get the feeling they're talking about a private party to which we indigenous people aren't invited.
I also think that if there's one thing Palma and Mallorca don't need, it's more attractions.
Luckily, there we have Son Sant Joan, the equivalent of a giant revolving door with no exit where our visitors can experience firsthand the feeling of shipwreck and despair that most of the island's inhabitants are feeling right now. And without even having to leave the premises! Definitely the best campaign against tourist saturation, tied with the cringe that provoke the signs "Tourist, go home happy!" and "Tourist don't go home, stay longer with us. Thanks", where only the image of Kathy Bates in Misery is missing.
Besides, are we the only ones who think that making plans for 2031 seems a bit optimistic? Maybe it would be better to invest that money directly now, just in case. I propose doing it in a sign that says "Son Sant Joan Escape Room." At least that way it'll be clear what we're playing. And whatever's left, Big Macs.
