20 Things I've Learned in My Twenties

PalmI'm saying goodbye to my twenties and beginning my thirties. In a couple of days, I'm supposed to enter true adulthood, although—for all practical purposes—the only change I'm going to experience is the immediate loss of all my Carnet Jove discounts. I've been assuming we're 30-year-olds for so long—that's what happens when you turn 30 at the end of September—that I don't feel like I'm entering this decade, but rather rushing in, lifting a weight off my shoulders, as if it were already late. Until now, I felt in limbo: there were no longer any justifications for doing certain things, because I was already 29 (going out partying on a random weekday, for example); but also certain other things, because I was still 29 (deciding to stay in on a Saturday night, for example). Twenty-nine is like honey and sugar, like a free year's subscription to your twenties, that is, without any benefits. Or like a sabbatical year, one of those people take to reflect before making a decision. It's just that 30 doesn't happen for you (although there are those who, voluntarily or involuntarily, end up stuck in their twenties forever). Thirty arrives, period.

Luckily, this transitional period of turning 29 has helped me come to terms with this decade, during which I've gone from living with my best friends to a student apartment paid for by my parents to trying to become independent before I'm past my fertile age. My twenties are a journey of twists, turns, swerves, dangerous overtaking, and the occasional flat tire. And all this at a time when you've just gotten your license. So, I've had to learn that:

1. I can't choose my family, but I can choose the relationship I have with it. Family isn't a debt, it's not unconditional, and it doesn't last forever. Being of the same blood means absolutely nothing.

2. I don't have to be liked by everyone. Nor can I always try to live up to expectations to avoid any reproaches from anyone. People understand if, at the last minute, I don't want to stay because I'm too tired.

3. Trying to control everything is exhausting and makes life more tense and boring. It's important to know how to let go, ask for help, and show vulnerability.

4. Cocktails can make any shitty day better, but they can also ruin it. It's better to learn how to make them at home. Oh! And the secret to a good espresso martini is adding sugar or caramel while the coffee is still hot.

5. Spending time alone with ourselves should be a right and a duty.

6.1. I can make friends at any age, but it's true that the real ones can be counted on the fingers of one hand (or, at most, one and a half hands). So I'll have to let go of some to make room for new ones. 6.2. Friends of friends are friends too. 6.3. Friends should take care of each other like a couple.

7. The experience of being a woman in this society is a suffocating and enriching challenge. And, with the necessary tools, it can be exciting.

8. Things should be easy: with your partner, friends, work, family. To achieve this, each of you should put in 50%.

9. Blonde highlights are overrated. Nothing beats the shine of healthy hair.

10. In life as a couple, almost everything is about care. And I'm not the only one who likes to be cared for.

11. Deciding whether or not you'll have children is as important as deciding who you'll have them with.

12. My relationship with my mother is complex, fascinating, and moving, and it will never cease to amaze me. I'm proud of us.

13. Godmothers are not beings of light: idealizing them so much does no good for them or for us.

14. If so many women are sexually assaulted, but all men deny being aggressors, are they all potential aggressors?

15. Perfect couples don't exist. Although it may be a cliché, it's much better to learn from mistakes: every difficulty overcome is another layer of sediment added to the foundations of the relationship, making it stronger.

16. Public resources are the best thing about living in this part of the planet. Only public transport, healthcare, and social services will bring us closer to equal conditions.

17. Mallorca is the place where I want to live, even if it's not possible to live there.

18. The skincareThe more basic, the better. Drugstore products have no competition. And just try to snap at the older ones, if you don't want a huge wound that will later become a scar that will later become a mark.

19. Every time a dizziness or headache makes me feel like I should die, it's more likely I'm suffering from anxiety than a stroke or a heart attack.

20.1. If I have to blame someone for a decision, it's better if it's myself: the intelligent thing is to do things because, at a certain point, they're worth it. 20.2. I can stop and start again. This doesn't mean failing. The important thing is knowing if I want to stay where we are.