Remember that you did it because you liked it (and that was the success)

I wanted to know what the obsessions of my generation are (that is, I wanted to confirm my suspicions). And, for that, I went to look for those responsible for fossilizing them: the artists. Specifically, six. And if time and space were not limited, the list would be much longer. They are Anna Picornell, Lluïsa Febrer, Mariona Jaume, Miquel Mas, Josep Alorda, and Lluís Garau. In these conversations, with all of them, I have tried the same thing: to know what they feel, to prospect their souls, and to discover what obsesses them. Because – when we are sincere – obsessions are the only thing that truly makes us vulnerable, that betrays us as we are, genuinely, from the subconscious and without morals. I wanted to extract them “with a dessert spoon”, as Lorena G. Maldonado says, what this generation of artists feels. And what turns out to make them mortal, like the rest of humanity, is the same intrusive and inopportune doubt: why do we do what we do and if this is success.

Why do we do what we do? Why did we start doing it? If we ask ourselves this question, is it because it doesn't quite pay off to do it? Liking to do something and, at the same time, being good at it can be a very difficult curse to manage. To profit from a talent is to turn a hobby into an obligation, comparison, and ambition, the opposite of what we all really want: a good and peaceful life, and – as far as possible – to have moments of doing nothing. But forcing ourselves to do what we like is easier. Here lies the trap. “Do what you love and you will never rest again.” Congratulations: when you complain about having to do what you used to love in exchange for remuneration, you will feel like the most miserable worm in the universe. And you will forget why you did it, just as you will forget all the things you did because you liked them.

But remember that you used to invent and write stories for everyone you loved, because they were the only audience you knew. Remember that you used to dance with your friends in the schoolyard just for the adrenaline rush of feeling like Beth, from Operación Triunfo, or the Spice Girls, in Wannabe. Remember that you used to make bracelets, bookmarks, and postcards, because your fantasy was to have a shop or a printing press, or both. That you didn't rush, that the outcome didn't matter, because all you sought was the pleasure of laminating, sticking, stapling, and punching holes. What satisfaction, like an office worker: with many different gadgets at your disposal. Just remember the feeling. The key was in the uselessness of it all, like Hirayama's photos of trees in Perfect Days, all apparently the same.

At what point has what we liked become what separates us from doing what we really want to do? I think it was just when we started doing it on demand and wholesale, in exchange for misery; when production became more important than creation. So now we produce much more than we can ever consume, because we have created this machine that needs gasoline. Now, overproduction forces us to look for strategies: to sell ourselves, in short. Now, that we do what we like, we do what we do to be consumed, and only because we like it.

So I don't know if this was success. I've been trying to decipher it for a while, success; this entelechy, a balance so perfect that it doesn't exist. And in this search, I find definitions that I keep, to accompany me:

Success, according to Samantha Hudson

“In recent years, we have been inoculated with the poison of media transcendence, of numbers. This cannot be. One must set their own measure of what they consider success. We cannot allow ourselves all to chase ghosts, drown in our expectations, and become frustrated. I believe there is no greater success than ceasing to worry about failure. Unfortunately, one must live, one must earn money, and one must face the world. But, if from our very core all we pursue is conventional success, then we will have failed.”

Success, according to Isa Calderón

“I say ‘no’ more often than ‘yes’. People think this can put you at a disadvantage. And I think it’s the opposite: you become more cultured the more unattainable you are. I am very happy with what I do. Success is not appearing in many places or doing many things: now I do a podcast, now I do a series, now I write a book. No. People are mistaken. Then, I have colleagues who are unsettled, exposed, who have opinions on everything: it must be exhausting, they must have an egomania that doesn’t let them enjoy life.”

Success, according to Oriol Pla

“I believe it has nothing to do with the outside, it has to do with how you relate to the outside. For me it would have been a failure to have been in New York and won [the Emmy], but to have had a bad time or been very nervous, not felt that I deserved it and not enjoyed it. Success must be having the ability to live in peace what you have to live. It is sleeping soundly and waking up in a good mood, whatever it takes to achieve that.”